New poem- Silenced

I was going to post a post about AWP, but seeing as I posted once yesterday and tweeted constantly for five days about the conference i figured I’d give you guys a break. Here’s a poem I wrote in Chicago.
We sit at other ends of the room.
Our throat en flamed with honest things
to say, but we breathe in lies and wallow
where the real things are.
Can you imagine if we had never held hands
in highway gardens- chandelier-like  street lights
guiding our way home? If breaking hearts is
our agenda then let us fracture our cores
and tear apart. But could you believe your eyes
if you never saw mine gleam with yearning
in a half-lit room? Our bodies still hot from our loving
and our lungs lusting for breath- your scent still
lingers on my sheets and your touch on my hands.
But if it’s time to walk away then let us not tread our feet
or scar our minds with bittersweet memories, but we wore
ourselves down and can you imagine that there’s nothing
to say?

About Damian Rucci

D.F. Rucci is a writer, blogger, and a musician from a small town in New Jersey. View all posts by Damian Rucci

5 responses to “New poem- Silenced

  • Maeve Murray

    I like the feeling of this and what it’s getting at. It feels genuine and real, something between a memory and personal realization.
    I’m not very keen on the structure, though. It’s prose broken up at intervals that don’t really make sense to me. There were a few times when I had to back up and re-read a line because I got jumbled up. I don’t really like how sentences end and begin mid-line. Some of those placements feel like they need to be new stanzas, like:
    “Can you imagine if we had never held hands
    in highway gardens- chandelier-like street lights
    guiding our way home? If breaking hearts is
    our agenda then let us fracture our cores
    and tear apart.”
    These lines specifically.
    I also wanted to ask if this is really prose, or if you’re just segmenting with punctuation, because it kinda feels like you’re trying to do both at the same time. The line I quoted above comes to mind (“then let us fracture our cores and tear apart”… tear apart what?) as well as the last line, when you say “but” for second time. It ruined the flow of the line for me.

    • Damian Rucci

      Thanks for the comment and the critique! I needed this sort of criticism on this poem and will definitively be putting some things into effect. I jotted this poem down when I was bored in my room in Chicago and I didn’t pay any real mind for structure or format, but I guess that is what the second draft is for!!

      How have you been?

      • Maeve Murray

        Second drafts, third drafts, fourth, fifth… it never ends sometimes, lol! First drafts are good for capturing the moment. I definitely got the feel for it.

        Anyhoo, I’m doing well. My MFA program is kicking me in the butt, but I couldn’t imagine doing anything else. It’s neat that your school took you to a conference like that. I’m looking at going in the future, maybe when this one comes to Boston, since it will be closer and I might have something to promote by then… hopefully!

      • Damian Rucci

        yeah even if you don’t have anything to promote its an insane experience to just meet other writers and people who make a living just from writing! I wanna pursue an MFA in Creative Writing some day and I am surely going to Boston in 2013.

        @CF Winn thank you very much for the comment! Poetry is truly a wonderful art form and I’m hoping to get more into the mood of it.

  • CF Winn

    I liked it very much. My daughter is teaching me to appreciate poetry much more than I ever did before. Thanks for sharing.

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